I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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