Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
