your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
