Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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