If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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