I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
