Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
