when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Everything about him screamed your future.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
