he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
