there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
