You're completely useless in the revolution.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
