Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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