I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
