Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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