Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
