He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
