i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
