Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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