So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
