I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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