Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
