he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
