he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
