I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
