My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
