Umm I'm too high to move.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
