what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
