So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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