VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
