Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
