Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
