I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Success! We fucked roommates!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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