that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dick very happy bro
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
