I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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