I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
