Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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