Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
