you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We left the knife in your bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
