Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
