Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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