3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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