As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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