why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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