I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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