There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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