Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
