You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
