i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
