fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
