don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize