fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
