my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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