3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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