All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
