She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
