On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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