What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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