Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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