I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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