Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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