Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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