Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
