you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
