and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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