Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
