So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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