you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
