I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
