shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
